A safe place to be dangerous

A marriage (should you be in one at the moment) can be a very safe place to be dangerous.

It seems however, that this is an option many couples seldom exercise.  We’re… just too busy, etc.

We’ve written elsewhere in this site about the “creeping separateness” which infects so many marriages; the dull and lifeless experience of drifting further and further apart on the sea of repetitive tasks which fill our days and lives.

So …we dream a bit, perhaps wonder if others we know are having a better go of it. And then there’s television and movies; that other world where we see couples in naked and feisty conversation (dialogue!), often enjoying each other immensely as well as sometimes having rather vigorous and passionate sex! Of course!

The subtitle for A PRIVATE AFFAIR is “the erotic game of secrets, plans & promises for couples.”

Playing A PRIVATE AFFAIR with your spouse can be like opening a window in a stuffy house to a refreshing breeze blowing in over a delightful garden of possibility! Let’s get OUT of here!!!

Dangerous in that we’re going to risk divulging and exploring some of our most personal thoughts and desires (secrets).

Exciting in that we are taking time to consider the way we’re living our lives this week, and realizing we can do much better!

Hopeful in that we’re making some promises to pay attention, to get better perspective, and to become more intentional in terms of how we’re living and loving each other, in sometimes very specific and intimate ways!

Erotic in that the senses are sharpened, intimacy is aroused, and sexual desire is excited as we enjoy risking candid honesty and transparency and as we ask for more!

Think for a moment about how a child, sometimes with their whole body, revels in the overwhelming delight of being alive, of being loved, and of raw experience. What do they say, over and over? “Again! Again! Again!”

How might we awaken something of this liveliness and childish delight?

A rich and rewarding marriage (and life) is not simply finding a way to get along with less conflict or strife. Ho hum. Instead, it is about risking the naked encounter which marriage offers.

Someone once suggested that we only truly know ourselves through dialogue with others.

What riskier dialogue might you try today (perhaps right now) with your spouse?

Last night, over coffee and a very delicious crème brûlée at a fabulous jazz lounge downtown, my wife and I played the game once again.

It really is like “picking up the thread” of a life-long “love affair” (albeit, a “Private Affair!”) and in the spirit of  “now where were we?!” The busy and noisy responsibilities and distractions of life faded away as we enjoyed taking new risks toward a deeper encounter with each other (and with ourselves!)  Even after 25 years of marriage. Imagine that! It was so so good, and quite honestly, not very complicated at all…

If you have the game, then… plan to play a few cards later this evening! If you don’t yet have it, then have a look around and order yours today! It’s very simple medicine for the soul of your love affair.

“Danger and delight grow on one stalk!” –  English Proverb



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