Carpe Noctem!

Surveys suggest that… we want more sex.  Really?

The YourTango site recently polled 800 respondents and concluded that “78% Of Marrieds Want Better Sex.”

The survey concluded that “most couples have sex once a week but think it could be better.”

“Polls.”  Yes, I know, the sampling for these is nearly always heavily skewed and biased, but the final conclusion sounds about right.

70 percent of you in relationships (those who are married, engaged or taken) have sex at least once a week.

41 percent of women and 62 percent of men reporting they want more sex than their partners do.

37 percent of those in relationships report being “very satisfied” with their sex lives.

41 percent of those in relationship say they’re “somewhat satisfied” with their sex lives.

22 percent of those in relationships are “not very” or “not at all” satisfied with their sex lives.

The YourTango poll

In our own “A Private Affair” poll (click here to take survey and to see our results)…

  • 72% indicated that they wanted more sex, and in terms of “how satisfying” is this sex for you?
  • 51% said “not overly excited” or “pretty bad.” And 57% said they believed that their partner was “not overly excited” or felt “pretty bad” about their lovemaking. Yikes!


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Oh well… just numbers and percentages. Whatever!

The bottom line however, is that we can probably accurately conclude that most couples wouldn’t mind a bit more sex, and “better sex;“ whatever that might mean!  So, why don’t we?

Lori Lowe, writer of the Marriage Gems site suggests three excellent libido killers; warning… these things are likely in your very own home, your car, at work, and part of your life every day, seven days a week.

Lowe writes, “What if you could have twice as much sex with one small change? Researchers say you can. Technology may be robbing you of a toe-curling sex life. You haven’t noticed the silent alarm, but chances are you’re getting robbed each and every night…”

Any guesses?

Although Lowe reminds us that “lack of time” and “lack of energy” seem to be the two biggest reasons for not being intimate, three huge culprits are …


Cell Phone

Surfing the web


Think for a moment about these in your own life, and how these may be interfering with your relationship, sexually and otherwise.

Do you have a TV in your bedroom? Folks who don’t have twice as much sex! Twice as much! If you happen to be over 50, then the TV reduces the likelihood of having sex even more! It’s the “end of the day” habit for millions of sexually frustrated. We go from checking our email, to surfing the TV channels until we’re shot. Get your TV out of your bedroom before the sun goes down today! Imagine your bedroom without one! Wow…

The cell-phone? With you all the time. The great interrupter. Anywhere, anytime. Try counting one day, just how many times this interruption occurs, either to yourself, or to someone you’re with. A great relationship killer. Lori Lowe muses, “It’s possible you have a harder time leaving the house without your phone than without your mate.“ One survey even found that 7 percent of respondents admitted to checking their phones DURING sex! Yep! We just can’t let that call get away! “Sweetheart, this is great, and I’m totally into this, but… just let me check who this is…”

Turn off your phone (check your manual for directions), and perhaps try leaving home (imagine!) without it. Start with a walk around the block; work your way up to an hour or even more. Perhaps check with your doctor first. There could be serious withdrawal, twitching, confusion, panic, etc.

And surfing the web? Lowe writes, “Connecting with the online world is not the same as connecting with people in intimate or in-person encounters. In fact, we may be harming our ability to connect with others by becoming addicted to technology. The University of Maryland concluded in a 2010 study that most college students are functionally unable to be without their media links to the world for even one day.”

So there you go. Take the TV out of your bedroom (if this seems rash, then just unplug it one evening), leave your cell-phone behind, and take an afternoon or a night, or perhaps a whole day (Sunday seems good) holiday from surfing.

We know that when the power grid crashes and the lights go out, couples begin to fumble with buttons and zippers and bras and seem to find a way to enjoy themselves.

But we’re the ones that are going to have to “pull the plug” on some of this nonsense. No one else really cares and no one else is going to help us with this.

Carpe noctem (seize the night)! …Tonight!


Click here to read Lori Lowe’s complete article (Libido Killer) on YourTango.

Click here to download a free copy of  Lori Lowe’s “Marriage Gems” e-book, and to enter your name to win a free “A Private Affair” game!


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