The gift that keeps on giving…

Thanksgiving. Black Friday, and now the last stretch in this race to Christmas.

How frantic much of this buying has been already. Cliff or no cliff. And we’re likely no more flush with cash for this than we were last December, or the one before that.

But what does your spouse really want for Christmas?

Before we know it we’ll be sliding down into the new year, perhaps mostly with new debt to remind us of the Christmas rush, but what will endure for the months to come?

What could you possibly give that has true lasting value?  Something that regularly kicks off dividends throughout 2013, and that staves off the post Christmas blues? Wouldn’t that be sweet!

Why not give yourself to your spouse this Christmas?

You’re the only one who can arrange and afford this…

Day after day, in every season,  men and women suggest to me that what they want more than anything else…  is to feel understood, to be able to really communicate with each other, and to feel completely accepted… and loved.

These couples arrive at this common conclusion along so many different paths.

Some are young, some old, some newly married, some for a second or third time. Some recovering from an affair or family tragedy, some aching with pain relating to things happening in the lives of their children. Some work long hours and travel far from home; some are retired or unemployed and never venture far from each other. But they’ve suffered the “creeping separateness” we’ve written about elsewhere on this site, and live with the quiet grief of a stale and strained marriage; not great, not terrible I suppose… just floating along, never-ending, never-changing.

This simple wish seems common for us all; to be understood, to understand, to be able to really communicate candidly with each other, and to be wholly and fully accepted for who we are.  Loved.

Will the way that we live life together through December help with this Christmas wish, or will we be too frantic getting ready for Christmas, trying to get work done, attending parties and trying to find gifts, including something decent for each other?

What would your spouse say if you were to take them out for coffee this week to tell them that you want to be at their disposal for them to use as they wish over the coming weeks. A servant of sorts. Sounds sexual, and of course it can be. In fact, not only in these days coming up to Christmas, but in the weeks and months after as well.  Over this same cup of coffee you could plan together gifts of time to share with each other, plotting out together the days and evenings, an hour here and there for the two of you to spend time (not money) together.

Love IS a four letter word!     . . . TIME!

Let me give you… my time.

(Try inserting the word “life” every time you say “time.” A thoughtful and sobering exercise).

What might this look like?  In fact, if your spouse offered you this deal, what might you ask for? And if at the end of December (a few quick weeks from now) you were to reflect back on the month, what will stand out as having been really worthwhile, really good, really memorable?

The subtitle for this game isThe Erotic Game of Secrets, Plans & Promises for Couples.” Secrets we reveal to each other about ourselves, plans we consider and explore and build together, and then promises we make to each other, letting the other know that we really mean business in this relationship!

When you give your spouse your undivided and unhurried time, you are giving them yourself. (And of course, the same four-lettered word applies to your children; “Cat’s in the Cradle” and all that).

That was the deal they thought they were getting on the day they married you. A few gifts under the tree are nice as well, for sure. But how easily we can obsess about surviving the season, with the hope that “it will be a nice Christmas together…” without real care and kindness and enjoyment of each other along the way.  Or worse…

So go ahead! Suggest to your spouse today what your December and holiday time might look like this year. Make an offer!

More evenings together, less shopping and running about, a few dinners out, friends over for a drink by the fire, walks in the snow, to bed early, you name it. All the kinds of things that we’d expect happy couples to be doing in the movies we watch, with relaxed conversations over lingering meals.  It just wouldn’t impress or inspire us much to watch a couple in a movie running about in the weary and distracted way most of us might be living this month.

Dare to be different! Carpe diem! And the evening. And the night. And have a real blast together!

One way I challenge couples to think about this, is to ask them… “What might need to happen this month (or this weekend, or tonight), in order for you to be able to say, when it is done, “That was such a good December… or weekend… or evening.” Giving thought to our ways.

And… you still have time (in the U.S. and Canada) to order your own “A Private Affair” game for your spouse for this Christmas. Your own black box of delights for many delicious times together through 2013.

Cheers!



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