Sex with Benefits

The Three Day Sex Challenge Or… the “Three Day Sex Challenge.”

Most of us suspect that great sex, eagerly pursued and consensually enjoyed, is good thing. It nourishes and excites our interest and connection and love for each other, which in turn makes us want to further pursue each other sexually.  A happy and deepening perpetual motion!

There are perhaps (somehow) hundreds of sexual positions, and innumerable ways to get into the act, but at the heart is this urgent desire to know and be known, to find ourselves secure and at peace with our lover,  once again enjoying the slow or the quick sexual exploration and consummation.

It would seem then, that making room and time for frequent sex would be a “no brainer!”  It’s just so central to preserving and strengthening our relationship, and it’s pleasant!

There is however, mounting evidence (no pun intended) suggesting that couples are making less and less time for each other, that relationships are often at best strained, with a very hit-or-miss sex life.

74% of respondents to our “Our Relationship These Days” Survey indicated that they were “Too fatigued and tired to initiate and enjoy sex together.”

61% indicated that “I wish my partner would initiate sex more often!”

57% checked off “I wish my partner would be more explicit in telling me what they really like and want sexually.”

And 68% wrote that “I wish we would set aside regular times at home, to talk together about life, and our relationship.”

And according to our random sex polls (to the right) 73% of folk complain that they are having “less sex than they’d like.”

It sounds as if we are wishful, even eager, but it’s not happening.

It may be that the best reason to have frequent sex is that it regularly strengthens and reaffirms our love for each other.

However, if you google “reasons to have sex,” many are just as eager to remind us why it’s so good (necessary!) for us for many more reasons!

MSNBC gives us 6 Good Reasons to Have Sex.

WebMD cites 10 Surprising Health Benefits of Sex.

The Daily Telegraph gives their 10 Surprising Reasons Sex is Good For You, from a ten-year Welsh study.

And WebEcoist gives a full 55-Fantastic Mind Blowing Health Benefits of Sex! complete with evocative pictures enticing us to believe and to try!

The best list I’ve found to date is at Jen’s Love Lessons where she notes 7 Physical, and 5 emotional benefits of having more sex. The evidence is intriguing and compelling!

  • Lower incidence of fatal heart disease.
  • Decreased risk of prostate cancer.
  • Lower risk of breast cancer.
  • Lower risk of endometriosis.
  • A much younger physical appearance (7-12 years!)
  • Improved sleep.
  • Longer life!
  • A significant decrease in need for psychiatric medication.
  • Decrease in anxiety disorders and general stress reduction.
  • Increased feelings of affection and intimacy.
  • Greater marital satisfaction (young married women).
  • Increased self-esteem.
  • A significant increase in overall satisfaction with Quality of Life.

What I like about this list is the detail with references that Jen provides to serious academic research, along with her cautions as to how we read and interpret this data. (See Jen’s full article here).

I also appreciated Jen’s “Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby!” post, which I think is exactly in line with what the “A Private Affair” game is all about!

Jen writes…

...there’s actually been a lot of research showing that discussing sex with your partner plays an important role in the development and maintenance of your romantic relationship.

In fact, people who openly talk about sex with their partners report being more satisfied with their romantic relationships, their sexual relationships, and even report experiencing more pleasure during sex than those who do not openly discuss sex with their partners (see Byers, 2005; Byers & Demmons, 1999; DeLamater & Friedrich, 2002; Haavio-Mannila & Kontula, 1997; MacNeil & Byers, 1997).

Well then. What to do?

Here’s a simple exercise toward enjoying these huge benefits.

First,  send this link to your sweetheart with “Let’s try for three” in the subject line.

Secondly, suggest that the two of you try to have sex for three days in a row! Three. I know, there are books written and programs challenging couples to have sex for 30 days in a row, and even every day for a year! Frankly, I think this is a tad obsessive. But this “3 day challenge” just might be possible, might be good for us, and perhaps lead to other things.

Thirdly, offer to initiate sex for days one and three.

Lastly, go for it, even if you have to start over a few times.

Does this seem unrealistic or impossible for you? In “The 4-Day Diet” Dr. Ian Smith suggests that almost any goal is possible for just a few days, and that we best stay in the game when we change things up regularly. The same can apply to our (perhaps flagging) love-life.


And even if you experience a few false-starts, when you’ve finally nailed the “3 days in a row” challenge, notice how this fires all the other bits and pieces of your life and living together!

Carpe diem! Day one…

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