New Years Resolution? More Sex?

Have More Sex! - APA Post

Are you getting much… relationship these days?

A few years ago Becel Margarine ran a magazine ad with a picture of a very inviting bed; covers freshly rumpled, and with the simple title, “Have More Sex!” The  encouragement was to get more exercise. A vigourous sexual encounter would certainly do the trick (beats doing pushups), and the evocative scene  made one smile and happily day-dream for a bit! I suppose it also inclined you to prefer Becel Margarine.

“Have more sex!” (It’s good for you).

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In an article entitled, New Year’s resolution: Have more sex,” CNN Senior Medical Consultant Elizabeth Cohen writes about yoga instructor Sadie Nardini and her husband who started their New Year’s resolution at the beginning of December with the decision to have sex every day for a month.

“Nardini and her husband, a professional photographer, initially decided to have sex like bunnies in the hopes that all the activity might help them overcome his-and-her bad habits: cigarettes and chocolate, respectively.

And indeed, the nightly trysts did help. But they also found, unexpectedly, that frequent sex made them feel better in other ways, too.”

Nardini says they both slept better and had more energy, and she didn’t get a cold or the flu all month as she usually does in the winter.

“Sex doesn’t seem at first glance to be the cure for what ails you, but there’s so many health benefits of having more sex,” Nardini says. “Anyone can be better served by having more sex.”

In fact, the experiment was so successful, the couple plans to have daily sex in January, too.  – ABS / CBN News

“Have more sex!’ Really… it’s good for you…

Do check out “FIVE GREAT REASONS TO HAVE MORE SEX!” – from “Jen’s Love Lessons!

Seems reasonable.  Are you? It seems that more, and not less is what many would wish for.

What gets in the way? Unhappy relationships? Too tired? A vibrating Blackberry? An out of control work life? A messy kitchen? Kids? Debt? Boredom?

Shere Hite once wrote… “I’m suggesting we call sex something else, and it should include everything from kissing to sitting close together.” “Sex” she suggest, should refer to all the bits and pieces of a friendly and interested  love relationship. In other words if you find yourself wanting more sex, make “sex” much more of the bits and pieces of your relationship today! Or at least experiment a bit. Kissing, sitting close together, doing dishes, grocery shopping, cleaning up the house, generally making life easier for each other, and more.

Instead of musing that we’re not having much sex, we could instead wonder, “Hey, are we having much relationship these days?!” And is it possible, through gentle, kind, helpful, responsive and engaging actions… for us to make many of the normal bits and pieces of our relationship much more “sexual?”

As a therapist, every day I meet couples complaining that life is too busy and fragmented to allow much thought and care for their love relationship. They’re meaning to get to it soon, and they know it’s suffering, but life happens. Things cool. Their functional relationship (ho hum) is the new norm.

An exciting sexual encounter may be a passing (perhaps recurring) day-dream, and something we may sometimes try to suggest and negotiate. After all, a quick “roll in the hay” would be nice for everyone, wouldn’t it? But relationship? That sounds like more work than we have time for. And it sounds cliche.

Sadie Nardini and her husband are onto something with their simple decision to meet every day for their happy tryst, and we should be inspired by their example! But for the long-run, we need to have a reasonably warm relationship to have a fairly hot sex life.

Someone else once suggested that in love, it’s the little things that count. One of the questions in the game asks…

How important are the little things? Cards, notes, chocolate, small gifts, surprises… do they make a difference in feeling loved and appreciated? Explain…

What might your spouse say if you were simply to tell them that you wanted “more relationship” in 2015? If you can, why not tell them this right now? If you’re not together, then phone, email or text the suggestion. At the very least, you will spark some strange looks and curiosity!

Think about your partner right now. Think about your plans for the rest of today. If we’re not very intentional about this, life can so easily slip by without us enjoying any real relationship per se. If we give it just a bit of thought and take some action, you can hit the hay tonight thankful that you’re doing life and living out your days with this other person, grateful for the warmth of the day, and perhaps smiling about the heat this can bring to the night!


A New Year’s resolution from Kathryn Borel’s “Resolution Watch” – the Toronto Globe & Mail…

Declaration: I will make love to my partner more and empty the dishwasher when he/she asks.

Infraction: You kept saying to yourself, “Oh, what’s the point?”

Modification: Just do it, you slouch! Both tasks simply involve stacking one thing on top of the other, and take only about 2 1/2 minutes.

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