Spend Big! Really!

APA - Christmas Stocking PostOr… solving the “What to Get for this years Christmas Stocking” question.

As you consider last-minute Christmas buying and wonder what 2016 might hold, what do you recall from 2015? What stands out? What’s memorable?

Social scientists suggest that if you want your life to fly by quickly, and in a blur, then do the same things week after week, month after month. We are wired to respond to the novel, to fresh and unique experiences, but are lulled into a dull and listless fog when our main goal is to get through yet another day, another week, another year.

We have our own lists; work, home, family, health and money issues, jobs to get done, and email “in” boxes that continue to fill, even as we sleep. But, “Cat’s in the Cradle,” and all that…  we think of those closest to us, and so easily feel the ache of failing to know, to care for and to love those few who we live with every day, sometimes for decades.

It may be that our most common human experience is one of separation; separation from our true self, from our friends, and even or perhaps especially from the one we sleep with night after night.

However, if you’re fortunate enough to have this love in your life, then here’s an idea for their Christmas stocking – hung by the chimney with unusual care.  This is your beloved who you once promised to love and cherish. This is a very practical way to rekindle some fire.

To help solve the “What to get YOU problem for your spouse, forward this post link to them with “this is what I want for Christmas” in the subject line. Simple. No further explanation needed.


Then on Christmas morning (or eve), with or without smaller human beings stumbling about through gift-wrap, you will both receive some delicious promises in your Christmas stockings! Promissory notes to pour over, and to look forward to unwrapping well into 2015.

“Spending big?”

These offers (these actions) don’t come cheap. It costs time (yours), thoughtfulness, some planning and priorizing, and the relinquishing of other things.  In essence, this is expensive because you are giving yourself away in this years stocking to your beloved. But remember, Christmas 2016 will be here before you know it. Some of the most memorable highlights for 2016 will be the gifts that you wrote on a single piece of paper, and placed in an envelope in this years stocking… with care.


1. Forward the above link to your spouse, with “this is what I want for Christmas” in the subject line. This Christmas, opening our Christmas stockings can be something we can both look forward to with anticipation!

2. Between now and Christmas, decide on ten very personal gifts you wish to offer to your spouse. These are “promissory notes” to be “cashed in” as your partner requests, when they request.  Blank cheques on your life; no less. (While this can also be done for your children or even a parent, for now just get this happening with your lover!)


Boldly and creatively, try to think of and offer something new! We have phenomenal freedom to do old things in new ways every day. Kissing when and where we don’t usually kiss, sleeping on the other side of the bed, walking down a neighbourhood street together where we’ve never walked before, dropping into a cafe we haven’t visited, the possibilities are endless.  If your imagination needs some priming, click on these ten free and mostly legal romantic, erotic and kind things to do for and to your lover (listed near bottom of this post).

Take sometime over the next few days to really think about your spouse; what they are needing, what they love, what thrills them, what blows them away, and soothes and heals them, what restores them, what helps, and perhaps what they are not getting much of anymore.  Things they may have asked for in the past, but perhaps things they stopped asking for some time ago.

These are secretive, personalized, iron-clad and in writing offers to serve. Let your imagination fly! But remember that these are primarily for them, not you! (Although this kind of serving and delighting in your beloved usually heats up the whole house).

These are practical, definable, measurable and doable gifts.  Ten of them. An indiscreet sexual treat, an offer to meet for coffee or lunch, to paint a room, to watch a particular movie, to take up dancing, to read a book, to go away, to play a game, to sit and talk.

3. Write (or type) these out by Christmas eve, and get this important and confidential document into your lover’s Christmas stocking. This quick read (before the orange or hunk of coal in the toe) will warm them through like a quick swig of brandy! Folded away perhaps for some questions or clarification and more smiles later in the afternoon, the demand notes could come at any time!

Imagine how much different we might feel about our loving and our life, as we approach Christmas 2016, if we were to actually do these things. Sure, we could also stuff some socks or soap or chocolate or toys into the stocking, but these will not have the lasting life, heat and joy that giving yourself away will. Spend big this Christmas!

“…it’s more blessed to give than to receive.”  ~  Jesus

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